Monday, 21 April 2008

Why is this Night Different From All Other Nights?

Good morning, my dear readers. The past three nights have been filled with singing, eating, ritual slaughter, bitter herbs, mortar, Turkish coffee, and my raucous debates in which my cousin Vashty expressed her vehement views on animal slaughter, women in biblical times, men in biblical times, children in biblical times, the position of women in the Jewish people's mutiny against Pharaoh, cross-dressing, sexuality, God, life, the universe, lung cancer and Turkish coffee. The past three days, however, have been some what parallel in style. The days have comprised mostly of napping, reading, Turkish coffee, soft slow talk, solitary card games, group card games, and large games of Settlers of Catan- a board game introduced to me by my cousins Tom and BB, and my uncle (hereafter known as Daddy-Uncle).

As you may have guessed, or know, or have been told by a Jewish friend, we (Jews) are currently in the process of celebrating the religious holiday of Passover. However, I'm kind of playing it fast and loose with the word celebrating, because this chag forbids the consumption of bread or anything that might possibly have risen or have to potential to rise at some point. Therefore, the only foods that are accepted during Passover taste akin to dry cardboard.

On Friday morning, the four of us left Grandma Edith's apartment and drove for about an hour to Ann Arbour, where Vashty lives. Then (after an hour-long tour of University of Michigan, complete with anecdotes of my father's time in college there), with Vashty in tow, we began the slow journey to Ohio, where Daddy-Uncle (Vashty's father) and his family reside.

Friday night was Shabbat, and almost completely devoid of singing, ritual animal slaughter, Turkish coffee and cross-dressing. Saturday night however, was a different story. The theme for the Seder this year was college t-shirts, and although the majority of Daddy-Uncle's children who are of university age attend or attended a state university in Ohio, the table was dominated by University of Michigan attire. Vashty took advantage of the theme and invented a character for herself which, as aforementioned, involved cross-dressing in a somewhat hilarious way. BB also dressed up, in pink Michigan sweatpants and a smiley t-shirt, Jack (another of my cousins) dressed up as his sister Spike, and Spike dressed (somewhat) normally.

The Seder is split up into twelve parts, and halfway through it is the festive meal, commonly known as suppe (or midnight snack, depending on how late your Seder is). However, my severe cat allergies prevented me from attending the Seder past this point, because the tiny red Benadryl pill sent me straight to sleep.

The second Seder was somewhat less interesting, because I spent most of it escaping from the yeuchy smell of Gefilte fish with Tom (who is a vegetarian and also hates the smell of fishies), on short (and I mean long) walks around their neighbourhood. What we spoke about I hope will remain in confidence.

This morning my dad, Grandma and I drove back to her apartment in Detroit, where we feasted on fried cardboard (Matzah) with cinnamon and sugar. Tomorrow we might do some more shopping, and HOPEFULLY this time I will find some clothes that actually fit.

Chag Sameach, Jews!
-- Katie J.

Friday, 18 April 2008

Shoes, Shopping and Shmoothies

THURSDAY 17/04/2008

Yesterday I spent what felt like (and most probably was) eight hours of my life in an indecisively-temperatured hell that is an airbus jet. I can deal with the absence of leg space, the food that posesses both the texture and appearance of dry cardboard and even (albeit begrudgingly) the painfully patronising and sickeningly smiley flight attendants. But when the obscenely obese (ginger) Irishman sitting on my right attempted to launch all 400lbs of himself past me, my mood worsened considerably.

We arrived yesterday afternoon at my grandmother's apartment in Detroit, and after much procrastination (e.g. showering, eating dinner, brushing teeth) the four of us finally separated to our separate sleeping quarters (me on my grandmother's couch, my dad and his girlfriend at our cousin Ann's house) and fell in to a deep, jet-lagged sleep.

This morning was uneventful- most of it was spent studying for the SAT exams I sit in early May this year. These tests are essentially unimportant (antithesis!) for the students, but when it comes to test scores I tend to get subtly competetive.

Point of Irrelevancy: I just squished an ant with my shoe and am now watching it squirm desperately (quite impressive on white vinyl) in front of me. Yes, I know it's completely cruel and unnecessary, but I do often get these morbid urges every once in a while. Like when I was at N.V.'s house, playing Guitar Hero III (total awesomness on Black Sabbath songs) and I saw a white horse (yeah, I know they're called greys, but hello? they're WHITE!) trotting pretentiously down the street outside, and I mentioned casually that I really wanted to shoot the horse in the chest, just to see how the red would look on the white. I think N.V. was startled to say the least.

Anyway.

This afternoon, at around 12:30pm, my dad and his "emotional partner" (this is basically old people speak for girlfriend), Siobhan Fenn arrived at my grandmother's apartment from a hike they had been on earlier that morning. The four of us (Siobhan, my dad, my grandmother Edith and I) went out to Twelve Oaks Mall to take advantage of the local exchange rate and and do some good old shopping. I went into around a dozen stores (yes- stores, NOT shops), but nothing seemed to fit. Everything was either an inch too big or an inch too small. I never knew my body was such a peculiar shape!

And then I saw them. The Most Awesomest Pair of Shoes in the Bloody Universe! And they weren't crappy Camden Lock mock-ups either. They were real Converse high-tops basketball shoes. They weren't terribly expensive; about as much as anyone would spend on a birthday present (which was what they were, from my grandmother). They were beautiful- and red (oh Jesus- I'm turning into Ellie), which is a perfectly conspicuous colour and absolutely perfect for a pair of basketball shoes. Much to my excitement, they fit me, and in five minutes The Most Awsomest Pair of Shoes in the Bloody Universe were mine.

OK. So then, because it was ridiculously hot today (in Michigan- shocker), I bought a "lemon-berry blast" smoothie from the mall's food court. It was the best smoothie I have ever tasted.

Tomorrow we are going to drive to Ann Arbour where my cousin Vashty lives, and then drive (with her) to Ohio, where the rest of Vashty's family resides. I will post more after Yom Tov (if you're Jewish, you'll get it- if you're not, oh well).

Have a Funderful Pesach,
Katie J.

P.S. Leo- I didn't do the French work because I forgot to ask, but I got a B+ in the oral, so thank you anyway :8 AWOB

Saturday, 5 April 2008

Bullet In the Brain Squish

Stand down.
Blood goes drip
Vynil floor never moving never never ceasing screaming
Stop.
You did this
Don't pretend
Don't move don't talk don't breathe
Just listen.
They kill they lust they torture
Bullet to the head
Better yes
Brother don't go just live here just go run
Listen now run just run don't wait just run
Save her.
Ringing in my ears screaming never stop i swear it isn't mine
It isn't mine
Never
Not mine.


Poet's Note: Inspired by the pure insaneness of River Tam in the second-last scene of Serenity. Those of you have seen it will totally know what I'm talking about. So awesome.

Hope You Enjoyed Another of my Insane Poems,
Katie J.